the wee hours

It is 00:12 as I begin writing.

(That's 12:12 am for those not married to the military or a hospital.)

Since I am both of those things, however, it is 00:12.

Sorry if that's too confusing. *wink*

I'm writing in the wee hours because my boys thought sleep was optional tonight, for both me and them. BooBaby has another matching set of ear infections, and BooBoy has bad dreams. And still fights off a nasty virus.

And our dishwasher is broken, so once I calmed both boys down and returned them to their probably not very restful slumber, I had to wash all of the dishes by hand.

Them sippy cups sure have lots of parts. Sheesh.

Anyway, for a very, very long time I have struggled to develop daily habits. For most of my life, my education dictated my schedule. Dishes, cleaning, laundry - all of that waited while papers, labs, and projects pushed their way to the front of the line. And yes, so did my time with God. The quiet time for which my soul thirsts.

Which is not to say that none of the back-of-the-line stuff ever had a turn, and there have been fits and starts of astonishing progress...until I fell off the wagon again, neglecting both my house and my God.

A little over a month ago, I started reading Scripture everyday using a one year reading plan. A defeatist part of me entered into it with serious skepticism, wondering why I was setting myself up for failure so.

And then something extraordinary happened. As it does so often when you serve and extraordinary God.

I kept reading. I've even gotten my sorry bum out of bed as early as 04:30 (more military time! Don't think this one needs explanation, tho'.) to do it.

And then something even more extraordinary and awesome happened. The discipline I have sought, and failed to grasp in other areas...began to arise.

I have wanted to blog more faithfully to record our family journey. However short each entry may be, I hopeandprayandreallyreallywant to post something at least every other day. Because each day with my sweet Boos is one to remember.

Hmm.

I have a confession to make.

I'm a horrible blogger.

As if anyone reading this doesn't know that!

Time marches on with an ever swifter vengeance and each day moves me further and further from my latest update. I can't retrieve the lost updates, the cuteness unrecorded. As sure as I feel that I will remember all of these things, I know many will slip through the cracks. All I can do is start afresh and chronicle from the present on.

The last 2 years have been a blur. 2 years ago, Sama didn't exist. We still lived in NY. AJ was a baby, only 15 months old. If Today Me met 2 Years Ago Me and told Me in 2 years' time I'd have 2 more children and would have lived without my husband for more than a quarter of the intervening time, Me would have told Me I was crazy. And I would have been, because who would have thought so much could be crammed into such a short span?

Now I sit here on my couch, typing on my laptop, while my husband burps our 8 week old (and fends off the 3 year old determined to usurp Daddy's attention) and our daughter giggles in the baby's bouncy seat. Life is FULL. And wonderful.

I'm still learning to balance time with each child, with cleaning, with laundry, with relaxing, with reading, with Facebook (now there's a timesucker for you), and now time with my husband again. I don't know yet what each day will look like, and probably no two will ever be the same, but in the coming 2 years I hope to grow closer to God, my husband, and my children. I hope to become more efficient, less selfish, more giving, and many pounds lighter.

From the mouths of babes

I have let updating this blog fall by the wayside. That's bad, for two reasons. First of all, I want to record all of the little cutenesses and milestones AJ and Sammy log these days - especially for Daddy to read when he can. And second, not updating is a sign that I don't have all of my duckies in a row.

I don't mean that in an uptight, MY DUCKS MUST BE IN PERFECT ALIGNMENT kind of way. I mean that my priorities are out of whack if I can't carve out a few minutes to do this, at least more often than once a month. This journaling is important for my family and should thus rank higher than watching TV. I find it hardest to do - hardest to "fit in" - when I have let my time with God fall by the wayside. Yesterday, I spent time reading Scripture and a devotional book for the first time in...well, I can't give you a date. It's both that far out of memory and that embarrassing to admit.

So I did that yesterday (and I have my Bible and book sitting here to read when I finish typing) and felt an immediate difference. I was calmer. More patient. More hopeful. I had my second trimester ultrasound yesterday and I had felt terribly anxious until I set aside that quiet time. The ultrasound went perfectly - all of the necessary parts in all of the necessary places. And for those of you not on Facebook, it's a boy!

And then tonight came the ultimate confirmation that realigning my priorities is exactly what God was prompting me to do. Since Daddy left, AJ has been plagued with nighttime fears. It began when one of his grandfathers read him a book about dinosaurs at bedtime. The process of putting AJ in bed has stretched into at least a one hour affair; sometimes it takes over two hours to settle him down. "I'm scared of dinosaurs." "I'm scared of monsters." "I want the light on." "I want it darker." He now has several "champions" amongst his toys. I have assured him that there are no dinosaurs. That his teddy bear will protect him. That any dinosaurs he might encounter in his room will only tickle him.

And along the way, I've also told him that he can ask God to help him when he's scared. I've prayed with him, asking God to help him feel safe, to help him rest, to help him feel God's presence. He's always just let me hug him and do the praying.

Tonight, when he got out of bed for the umpteenth time (I think it was actually the 6th), I met him at the door with an exasperated look on my face, pointing at his bed. He ran to the futon on the floor that is his bed here at my in-laws' house and said, "I'm scared of the dinosaurs." I started in on my usual schpiel - "Honey, there are no dinosaurs. All of the dinosaurs are gone forever. There will never be any more dinosaurs..." All of this while tucking him back in. Just as I pulled the covers up to his shoulders, he looked and me and said, "Pray with me. Hug me. Sleep with me. I don't like AJ's bed. I want Mama's bed."

His utter sweetness was nearly my undoing. He has been sleeping with me pretty much since we arrived here in Houston, but tonight had asked to sleep on his futon. I picked him up and tucked him into my bed. Once he was cozy-fied, I laid down next to him and prayed the now familiar prayer - God, please help AJ feel safe. Please help him sleep and rest. Please help him know that you are with him.

And then I watched as complete peace fell over my son. He closed his eyes and his breathing became deeper and more even. Within about 2 minutes, he was fast asleep.

Seldom have I watched a prayer answered nearly as quickly as I could form the words, but tonight, I was so privileged. The Lord is good!

Heading off

If you read Monte's blog (which I don't think I've posted here before, but here it is: monteinthesand.blogspot.com), you know he is FINALLY leaving tomorrow. Yes, I know I said he was leaving last week. So much for that! While it is still possible that something will come up between now and lift off, as far as we know he will really and truly be getting on a plane tomorrow.

I'm more upset at the moment than I thought I would be. I've said the words, "My husband is going to Afghanistan" more times than I can count by now. I'm used to it. Saying it, anyway. With all of the delays I think a part of me started to believe he wasn't ever going to leave! Now that he is for sure (as sure as we can be, anyway), I'm thrown a bit off kilter.

It doesn't help that I'll be 16 weeks pregnant tomorrow - hormones, ugh. It also doesn't help that today is one week since my grandmother died. And it REALLY doesn't help that both AJ and Sammy are under the weather and thus are not sleeping well...which means mama doesn't sleep AT ALL. I am so ready for bed right now. AJ is playing his ABC game for a few minutes before I start the process of dragging him to bed. In the last few weeks he has developed a lot of fears. "I'm scared" is a frequent utterance now. Last night he came downstairs telling me he was scared of the dinosaurs in his room. I gave him a flashlight to keep in bed with him and that worked until about midnight, when he woke up scared yet again. I know this will pass - it's just hard to see that in the middle of the night when I haven't slept more than an hour at a stretch for more than a week.

I told my mom we needed to do something fun tomorrow. We're going to Trader Joe's to buy treats to stuff in Monte's first care package. I don't even have his address yet, but I want to have something to send as soon as I do. A trip to Trader Joe's may not sound exciting to you, but I love Joe's. I will indulge in some chocolate therapy while I'm there. Oh, yes.

Time to start moving a small boy up to bed.

Imminent Departure

I haven't sent out an update about Monte's deployment because there hasn't been much to tell! He reported to Camp Lejeune on June 14, underwent training, and then...waited. We (the kids, my mom, and I) drove down for the first two weekends and spent them swimming, playing on the beach, and just hanging out. Monte's team's estimated departure date keep changing, becoming later and later. FINALLY, the commanding officer of the battalion apologized for the continued delays and granted the entire team 12 days leave! By the time this happened, the kids and I were already on the road, headed for New Mexico. Monte arrived by plane the same day we did!

We spent a very lazy, wonderful 12 days playing, relaxing, and just spending time as a family. Last Tuesday we returned Monte to the Albuquerque airport. Suffice it to say, there were lots of tears and we grudgingly loosened our hold to let him through security. Since then, he has been back at Camp Lejeune, waiting again.

After more than a month of limbo, Monte will finally depart for Afghanistan sometime this week. Only the ghost in the bureaucracy knows exactly WHEN this will happen, and it's not very forthcoming. The actual travel time might be very long, with extended layovers. Until they arrive at their destination, we won't be able to have contact - this could be several days.

The team's final destination is Camp Dwyer in Helmand Province. They might stay in camp for the duration of their deployment, combining their equipment with that of similar teams to form a mini-hospital. They might also deploy further forward and work alone. As long as they stay in camp, we should have contact via email. If they move forward, we will likely be out of touch the entire time.

The delays in the team's departure aren't supposed to affect their return date, effectively making this deployment only 4 1/2 months long! Of course, I'm not holding my breath about the timeline, since things can always change...but our hope and prayer is that Monte will be home with us by Christmas.

We ask for your prayers for the safety of the entire team during their travel and work in Afghanistan. We also ask you to pray for boredom! If the team is busy, that means Marines are being seriously injured. Please also pray for the kids and I. We miss Daddy already. Monte taught AJ to tell me, "Daddy will come home" when I am sad - he said it for the first time today.

Monte has started a blog: http://monteinthesand.blogspot.com We don't yet have an address for Monte (email or snail mail), but I will let you all know when we do.

Thank you for your prayers!

deployment...for real this time!

Hello, everyone!

Monte was notified of a new deployment on April 20. Well, I say "new," but this is actually the same deployment as before with a new departure date. Monte reports to Camp Lejeune, NC on June 15 and will depart for Afghanistan approximately 2 weeks later. Unlike last time, he has actual orders for this deployment and even has Marine Corps digital desert camo already.

We've waited to share the news until we had more details. Yesterday, we learned that Monte will be part of an FRSS (Forward Resuscitative Surgery System) with the 2nd Medical Battalion. He will be the sole anesthesia provider on a team with 1 general surgeon, 1 orthopedic surgeon, 1 nurse, 2 hospital corpsmen, and 2 surgical techs. This type of unit is basically an operating room in a tent, located between the front lines and the hospital. The only patients who will be treated in the FRSS are those who are not expected to survive long enough to make it to the hospital.

The living situation will be, in a word, camping - sleeping in tents and eating MREs. A surgeon currently deployed in an FRSS sent Monte a list of recommended equipment which could just as easily be for an extended mountaineering expedition. Their location will always be classified and they will move as the Marines at the front move, probably every couple of weeks. On occasion, they will travel back to one of the larger bases to resupply. It is only on these resupply trips that we will have any contact with Monte - once a month, or perhaps less.

Our prayer requests are for Monte's safety and morale, for good connections between the team members (he'll be with the same 7 people and perhaps a few Marine guards the whole time), and for a strong and bold witness. The Marines who end up on Monte's operating table will be critically injured and close to death. God is choosing to put Monte right next to their ears at that time! Pray for those Monte will treat - they will literally be fighting for their lives.

The kids and I will spend part of the time Monte is away out West and visiting our New York family. We also hope to spend a good chunk of the time here at home. Please pray for AJ. Since the kids and I returned from our trip to New Mexico he has been more attached to Daddy than ever. He asks for Daddy constantly when he is at work. Helping him through Monte's absence will require daily effort. Please pray that Daddy will not become a stranger to Sammy, who will be 6 months old when he leaves. Please pray that we will always be immediately available at the times Monte has access to a computer or a phone so that we do not miss an opportunity to tell him that we love him.

We do not yet have an address for Monte. I'll send it out when we get it - and please do send letters and cards! Without the benefit of internet and phone on a regular basis real mail will be especially welcome. Since his access to the internet will be extremely limited, we probably won't set up a blog for him. Instead, I will post updates on our family blog: http://boodoodle.blogspot.com If you are not already an invited reader, reply to this email and let me know you would like access. I'll add you as soon as I can.

Thanks in advance for your prayers!
Love,
Monte, Gen, AJ, and Sammy

In like a lion...

I thought we lived south of the frost zone here in Hampton Roads...so can anyone explain to me why the high yesterday reached a balmy 25°?

It's March. What? How does the calendar have any right to be in the third month of a year I can't yet remember to write on checks?

At this time last year, we had just lost our baby 3 weeks earlier. Bewildered, I prayed for continued faith and strength and understanding. Now I'm sitting on my bed with a baby monitor on the nightstand, ready to jump up at the sound of Sammy floundering in her crib for the very first time.

It's rare for the reasoning behind loss and pain to be revealed so quickly. I am blessed.

Deployment is still off for now. Another doc from Monte's department was on the deployment, taken off, and is now back on. In the words of Monte's asst dept head, "It's amazing that this country ever wins a war." Whether that's a commentary on personnel planning or retention, I'm unsure. Does it matter??

Today I collected wee tiny outfits for Sammy to wear on the cruise. I started packing with mid-week laundry in mind, then realized that her clothes are so wee and so tiny it doesn't save much space to plan for her to wear things twice. Big brother AJ is much the same. His waist is so small he can wear 18 month pants...and he's 27 months old! Mama and Daddy's clothes are a different story - on to those tomorrow.

Sleep is calling my name. 'night, peeps.